Rated R for strong crude and sexual content, nudity, pervasive language and some drug use, 90 minutes
Nothing worth looking at in the offensive, crude "Miss March"
If you've ever looked at a Playboy magazine and seen the voluptuous women there, it may be worth looking at. Unfortunately, there's nothing worth gazing at in the amateurish, low-grade and exceedingly offensive and immature buddy comedy "Miss March." As well, those expecting lots of T&A will be remarkably disappointed when they find out that the story focuses on...two (very stupid) guys going across country to find a lost love who's now famous.
Sensible Eugene (Zach Cregger) is a virginal teen who's been dating the hot Cindi (Raquel Alessi) for 2 1/2 years and practicing abstinence and giving lectures with Cindi on the virtues of it to young kids. His immature childhood buddy Tucker (Trevor Cleigh) is Eugene's opposite, a loudmouth who's been far from abstinent. Eugene and Cindi decide to finally take the plunge after their senior high school prom, but Eugene gets drunk at a party, falls down some stairs and goes into a coma for 4 years.
When he awakens, he learns that many things have changed, including the fact that the virtuous Cindy has become a Playboy Playmate. Tucker kidnaps Eugene from the hospital and they take a cross-country trip to the Playboy Mansion to hunt down Cindi so Eugene can declare his love and finally take the plunge from virginhood.
Cable comedy TV team Cregger and Cleigh star in and make their feature film directorial and writing debuts with "Miss March," which is painfully obvious in nearly every badly executed and unfunny scene. Their low-brow comedy works well on cable but fails miserably to be even remotely humorous and quite offensive. This movie had to have been greenlit under the notion there'd be lots of sex and nudity, but there's little of it until the last act. Instead, it's a derivative, laugh-free and cross-country buddy-buddy comedy.
The younger set may enjoy "Miss March," and if you like the idea of someone uncontrollably defecating in several scenes or a stereotypical rapper named "Horsed--k.MPEG" then go for it, but I, in no way, can recommend this. The acting from the third-rate cast is non-existent, the direction flat, the writing filled with situations that's been seen in every film since "Fast Times at Ridgemont High."
The only redeeming quality of "Miss March" is seeing Hugh Hefner in a brief cameo near the film's end. How Hef agreed to this mess is beyond me, but at least he adds some quality to it, and the only real reason I didn't give this film an "F." Stay away from this at all costs.
